By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS
Navigating post separation abuse can leave us with barely a moment to catch our breath, let alone address the profound effects of how the abuse has completely derailed our mental and physical health. Imagine discovering an approach that encourages us to pause, evaluate, and strategically alter our paths towards a more aligned sense of wellbeing.
That's precisely what we learned during a recent discussion with Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Stephanie Small on The Rising Beyond Podcast. Stephanie shares her deep understanding of the interplay between nutrition, mental health, and systemic societal issues. Now, between the hustle and bustle of single mom life, you might be thinking, “I need this information but when do I actually have a moment to listen?” I’ve got you! I’ve grabbed the top three lessons that can help recalibrate your approach to health and happiness from the episode. And if this resonates and you want a deeper dive, I hope you can make the time for yourself to listen to the full episode. You deserve it.
0 Comments
By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS
How often do you find yourself saying “Yes” to something you know you do not have the time or bandwidth to take on just to avoid conflict?
I think this is an extremely common occurrence, especially for women. But, if you are healing from domestic violence, narcissistic abuse, or an abusive family of origin, these patterns of saying “Yes” may be more than just trying to avoid hurting someone’s feelings…these patterns likely allowed you to survive. I’ve just wrapped up a conversation with my new friend Anita Sandoval on The Rising Beyond Podcast, and I feel like this episode can be used as a guide to move you from constantly fawning and people-pleasing to feeling more empowered to make decisions based on your needs and wants. Anita shared some personal experiences that were tough and led to her constantly foregoing her own needs in order to take care of an abusive partner and stay in the good graces of her family. She would likely say that challenging these patterns was not a walk in the park but was well worth it. So, pull up a chair, and let's unpack some of the lessons that can be learned from this conversation. By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS Maintaining a meaningful connection with your child when stuck in a “high-conflict” co-parenting situation can be a daunting task, especially if they spend more time with your ex-partner. Strategies will be different depending on the age of your child, so in this article we’re going to share strategies specifically for older kids that can help bridge the emotional gap and foster a sense of connection despite the circumstances. If you believe that there is a strong likelihood that your child is being indoctrinated to believe lies about you, these strategies can help but likely will not be enough to completely challenge that level of conditioning. Stay tuned for future articles where we will go into more detail on these cases. Understanding the Dynamics Navigating the complexities of maintaining a connection with your child when they spend more time with your ex-partner means taking a look at various factors. The age and development of the child, your pre-existing relationship, and their feelings toward the living situation all play a crucial role. The strategies in this article are tailored for older kids, with the understanding that these can be adapted for younger children. Reshaping The Family Court System for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse: Lessons from Lundy Bancroft8/15/2023
By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS
In the high-stakes arena of family court, where the well-being of children should be in the forefront of everyone’s minds, survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse are often ignored or even punished for trying to protect their children.
Navigating legal proceedings with an abusive ex can feel like an endless battle. In Episode 60 of The Rising Beyond Podcast, Beyond Legislation: Reshaping Family Court with Lundy Bancroft, our expert guest shines a spotlight on the systemic challenges and the potential pathways to a reformed family court that truly protects the vulnerable. There are so many lessons that we can take away from this episode that features Lundy Bancroft, a leading authority on interventions for abusive men and passionate advocate for women survivors. I wanted to give you all the “Cliffs Notes” version of the top three takeaways that promise to reshape your understanding of family law, advocacy, and healing. By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS Having a hard time falling asleep worrying about your kids? How are they doing in school? Are they making healthy friends? Am I preparing them for all that life throws at them? Does worry about how your child is coping with the new parenting plan or worry about their safety at the other home keep you up all night and hypervigilant all day? You are not alone. Parents worry a ton in general, however if you have experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse or are dealing with family court with your abuser, this is likely not an every-now-and-then issue. You are probably chronically losing sleep. Is there anything we can do about it? By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS If I had a dollar for all of the times that I heard a survivor of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse tell me that if they knew then what they know now about post-separation abuse, they would have done things differently, I would be rich. Victims are told to escape and that things would get better and safer. But is this really the case? In my experience and those of my clients, this could not be any more false. And this is especially true if you share children with your abusive partner. You will experience abuse in another form, post-separation abuse. So, what is post-separation abuse? Abusive relationships are all about one partner gaining and maintaining power and control over their victim. When an abusive relationship ends, the abuser’s need for power and control doesn’t. In fact, because there is a significant decrease in the amount of control they have over their victim, very often the abuse increases. By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS
By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC As I sit with my female clients day after day, a common theme emerges. Right now, they are extremely angry and that makes them extremely uncomfortable. It is probably helpful to mention that all my female adult clients are victims and survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. Maybe that makes more sense to you now. That they are angry at the abuse they have endured and maybe that they are angry at themselves for allowing the abuse to happen. You are not wrong. Many are angry for exactly these reasons. But they haven’t always been angry. It wasn’t safe for them to be angry. So, what has changed? Similar to the grief process when someone you have loved has died, anger is a stage in a larger process of healing. These women are also grieving, but they are grieving the loss of a person and a relationship that was not real. They are grieving the promise that was made to them over and over again as a way to keep control of them. Some are grieving the loss of the years they spent trapped, and some are grieving the loss of their identity completely. Leaving a relationship with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can be incredibly difficult and confusing. But there are reasons it's so hard. "Perhaps you've noticed that the abuse isn't "on" all the time. As a result, you may be wondering whether you should stay or go. To add to the confusion, you may not know if your circumstances even qualify as abuse. If this is striking a chord for you, know you are not alone. There are others out there who have been through this, too, and support is available for you." In the PsychCentral article, How to Leave an Abusive Relationship with Someone with NPD, Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS and other experts in the field of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse weigh in on why this is so difficult, and what victims can do about it. Read the full article here. "There are a lot of beliefs about the importance of forgiveness out there. I am not here to debate those beliefs or to say what is true or not true. What I would like to share is what I have seen to be important for survivors to truly heal from their experiences with abuse over the last decade, and that is the importance of self-forgiveness. The levels of shame are extremely high with most victims of relational trauma. Survivors of sexual abuse, child abuse, and domestic violence share this in common. Shame permeates these survivors to their core, and when these ideas have been yelled at you over and over by the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone, it can feel cemented and permanent. This feeling of permanency of shame is just that, a feeling...not truth. Shame can decrease and dissipate over time with intention. And how can one take control over the timeline of this process? By practicing self-forgiveness." In her article for bizcatalyst360.com, Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS discusses the inverse relationship between shame and self-forgiveness. As you offer yourself more compassion and self-forgiveness, your levels of shame decrease. Read the full article here. |
AuthorSybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS, is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in working with victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse. Archives
March 2024
Categories
All
|