By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS

Understanding the Consequences and How to Support Your Children
 
In families with a narcissistic parent, children often face unique challenges that can have lasting effects on their sense of self, relationships, and overall well-being. If you share children with your narcissistic ex-partner, it is likely that you have seen your children treated differently.

​One of the most prominent dynamics in these families is the designation of the “golden child” and the “scapegoat.”
 
Understanding the function of these roles for the narcissist and their consequences is crucial for protective parents who want to support their children and mitigate the harm caused by the narcissistic parent.

How many times do you hear women say, “I did it for my children"?
 
It’s nearly a universal answer. We sought an education or a new job to give them a better life. If they need extra care, we find a way to spend less time at work and more time with our children. We move to a better school district. We travel to find the right specialist. We throw them a birthday party when what we really need is a new bra and underwear or maybe a medical procedure with a decent copay and some recovery time.
 
This is the world that we live in. I know that I built my entire mid-twenties to mid-thirties around mothering. It’s what culture tells us is an acceptable use of our time and resources. We are praised for it. It feels good.
 
Until you do something for yourself, which may also be for your children, but the primary goal is your wellness. Then people start to talk, and those around you who benefit from your martyrdom become angry. Now, they are having to spend some of their time and resources parenting. It is appalling to society and to a partner who feels fully entitled to use all of their resources for their benefit and think that women should be the only one to sacrifice time and resources for child rearing.

Maintaining a meaningful connection with your child when stuck in a “high-conflict” co-parenting situation can be a daunting task, especially if they spend more time with your ex-partner. Strategies will be different depending on the age of your child, so in this article we’re going to share strategies specifically for older kids that can help bridge the emotional gap and foster a sense of connection despite the circumstances. If you believe that there is a strong likelihood that your child is being indoctrinated to believe lies about you, these strategies can help but likely will not be enough to completely challenge that level of conditioning. Stay tuned for future articles where we will go into more detail on these cases.
​Understanding the Dynamics

Navigating the complexities of maintaining a connection with your child when they spend more time with your ex-partner means taking a look at various factors. The age and development of the child, your pre-existing relationship, and their feelings toward the living situation all play a crucial role. The strategies in this article are tailored for older kids, with the understanding that these can be adapted for younger children.

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS

​In the high-stakes arena of family court, where the well-being of children should be in the forefront of everyone’s minds, survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse are often ignored or even punished for trying to protect their children.

Navigating legal proceedings with an abusive ex can feel like an endless battle.  In Episode 60 of The Rising Beyond Podcast, Beyond Legislation: Reshaping Family Court with Lundy Bancroft, our expert guest shines a spotlight on the systemic challenges and the potential pathways to a reformed family court that truly protects the vulnerable.
 
​There are so many lessons that we can take away from this episode that features Lundy Bancroft, a leading authority on interventions for abusive men and passionate advocate for women survivors. I wanted to give you all the “Cliffs Notes” version of the top three takeaways that promise to reshape your understanding of family law, advocacy, and healing.

​1.  Taking Control of the Timeline of the Case

If your client is hesitant or fearful to testify, their abuser knows it.  How can the abuser use this to their advantage?  They can use different tactics to continue the case.  Some of these cases take over a year for the jury trial to occur, forcing your client to show up to court each time, experiencing all of the anxiety that occurs with this, only to find out that the case will be continued for another 6-8 weeks.  This can happen numerous times for numerous reasons.  This also effects other potential witnesses.