Finding Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse with the Enneagram

By Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS

I love a good personality quiz. 
 
It always brings back memories of getting my monthly Seventeen magazine and taking the different quizzes to learn all about myself. 
 
What kind of friend am I?
 
Which new hot celeb should be dating?
 
What does my style tell others about me?
 
I loved every single one of them. And still do!
 
Now that I'm older though, there really needs to be a little bit more depth before I am going to spend the time learning more about myself through a quiz (unless I'm waiting at the dentist office).
 
How does this relate to survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse?
 
Well, one of the most horrific consequences of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse is that your identity and sense of self are under attack and often completely stripped away. It can be exhausting and scary to try to figure out who you are again, what makes you tick, and then to accept and love yourself for all of those things?!?!
 
One tool you might want to add to your tool belt as you find your sense of self and learn to love and embrace who you are is the Enneagram. I recently had a conversation with my good friend and colleague, Talya Dash, LCSW, on how the enneagram can be used to find empowerment and sense of self as you heal from your abusive relationship.  Below are a few of the key takeaways from this conversation.

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1. Embrace the Power of Self-Discovery

The Enneagram is more than just a personality test; it’s a powerful system for self-discovery and understanding. Talya and Sybil emphasize how the Enneagram can redefine one’s identity, especially for survivors. By identifying with specific personality types, you can decode your internal and external messages, leading to transformative self-awareness. Talya, a Type Two, finds liberation in the Enneagram, which shows the impactful journey of understanding oneself.

2. Recognize and Navigate Relationships

Understanding your Enneagram type can profoundly impact how you perceive and engage in relationships. Talya and Sybil delve into how various types, such as Sixes (the Chess Masters) and Sevens (the Enthusiasts), interact in crisis situations and everyday life. Recognizing types like Twos (the Helpers) and Threes (the Achievers) in relationships helps in establishing healthy boundaries and thriving amidst challenges. Leveraging this insight can improve relational dynamics and foster empathy.

3. Empowerment and Healing Through Validation

​The Enneagram can be a significant tool for healing by offering validation and fostering autonomy. Sybil points out the critical importance of these elements for survivors. Understanding your Enneagram type can guide you in feeling empowered rather than seeking or being subjected to manipulative power. This system can help you balance empathy and self-care, especially for types like Nines (the Peacemakers) and Ones (the Perfectionists). Learning about your personality type aids in re-framing power dynamics positively.

If you feel stuck on your healing journey and are not sure who you are in the aftermath of the abuse, the Enneagram may be a great place to start finding clarity and self-compassion. For a deeper dive listen to the full conversation here or click below.

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